I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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