they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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