I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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