I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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