While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
