Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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