i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
