I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
