I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Randomize
