Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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