Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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