So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
