she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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