If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
