He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
