I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
