Sponge bath it is.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
