i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
