I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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