Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
