Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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