And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
