I want to walk on stilts...naked
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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