i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
