I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
