She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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