i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I want to be your penis for a week.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
