last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize