Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Randomize
