I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
