i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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