I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
These tits shall not be calmed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
