Tell her she can't have a vagina
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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