used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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