did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
