Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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