When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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