If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
