mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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