is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
