Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
