i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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