walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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