if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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