She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
