I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
