she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
