When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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