Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Life is so much better after having sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
