umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
