Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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