p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
