3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
North Korea, Best Korea!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
