If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
