Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
