i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
