Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sarcasm needs its own font
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
