It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
