How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
