I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
