Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
