I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
