I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
