How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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