She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
bring money and cleavage
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
