What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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