"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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