dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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