did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
